Where did you get a picture of my penis
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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