I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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