She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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