fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
