Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
