yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
