Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
