You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
