i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
