I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
