....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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