what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
