so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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