mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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