Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
