Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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