All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
