dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Randomize
