how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
