walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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