Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
