i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
