I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
