I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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