I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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