I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
