This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Ambien. No doubt about it.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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