Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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