It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
