he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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