Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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