Porn is love you can see.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
