i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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