Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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