There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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