also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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