I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Randomize
