So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just threw up on my dentist
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
