The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
