he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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