I want to stick my p in your. b.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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