And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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