I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
