U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
