I want to have your abortion
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
