I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
