I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
