Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You need a sexual gate keeper
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
