i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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