god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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