Pregnant stripper...not hot.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
