ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
