Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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