I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
