I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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