I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
