I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
