i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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