Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
