You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
