Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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