I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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