The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
