Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
