I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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